The Dairy of Doctor Bong

Lalala

This week, the MOE ba-tards are coming to evaluate our school. That is not good, because our school is only dressed up to be good and exemplary. Inherently however, it is weaker than a Fafflesian.

This is why I must commence Project Koolimakaladia, or Project KOOL for short. Here is how it will work, I have already planned it out with my faithful comrade-in-arms.

1. At 0800 hours tomorrow, the Ministry people will arrive. Fann will greet them and bring them to her office for some tea and cupcakes.

(Remember Sun Tzu's 64th principle, make your enemy look at one hand while you're doing something with the other.)

2. At this time, Cholen and Char Siew will be setting 30 stasis traps along the route outside her office. Fann has orders to delay them for as long as possible. She will also add laxative to the tea.

3. Bongar will now do jumping jacks naked in the PE admin office to entertain the PE teachers. Then, I can skimp on their annual bonuses.

4. Yvette will wait along their route to the classrooms at this point with orders to use her stun gun freely.

5. I will be entertaining people at a strip club along Boat Quay.

If all goes well, this should result in

1/3 of them having to spend their visit in our fragrant and delicious toilets, which have trapdoors attached beneath them which will lead to an underground conveyor belt system which leads to the Institute of Mental Health (20 km away in Buangkok).

1/3 of them being stunned by my DP's "imba" stasis traps until 2.40pm, where they will be deposited in a net and put in the garbage truck, which should arrive at 12.40pm on time to go to Woodlands Regional Disposal Point. All garbage at that area is loaded onto a special cargo ship which goes to the Bermuda Triangle every 24th of each month.

1/3 of them being brought down by Yvette's stun gun, and then packed into Bongar's truck, where they will be brought to Changi Prison's High Risk Facility.

The minister himself however will be wearing a Shield Of Spell Immunity that will render him invulnerable to our attempts to dispose of him.

THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP SUCH EVIL MECHANISMS.

The sheer power of Bonger's and Fann's charm, a two-pronged attack, will have him reeling from the blow. Char Siew has kindly agreed to then move in and give him a swift kiss on the nose, which should by all accounts bring him down. We will then put our clone in charge as the new Minister and give ourself all sorts of awards in this position.

As for the Minister himself, we could just dump him in the Johor Straits, but they are too shallow. What we need to do is drop him in Antarctica. To do this, I have arranged for my pilot friend Jonny to bring him to Juzzie Ice Station. Of course, we will put him in a sensorily reduced state for 1 week (at least) and remove his Spell Shield thingamijig. I have also arranged for my hypnotist friend from Mongolia to alter his memory to make it seem like he is a crocodile-and-mouse farmer from Uruguay.

Project KOOL will succeed. My planning is ritualistically coherent. Now however, I must change into my paper bra. Goodbye to you, my loyal subordinates.

posted by the_dr3@m3r @ 2:20 AM