Rather than compose some satirical offering about educational horrors, I've decided to shift to the political spectrum for today.
Here's an extract from TalkingCock.com, a premier satirical humour website for Singaporeans, by singaporeans.
23. You think that nothing makes a girl or guy more attractive than to dress exactly like hundreds of thousands of other girls and guys who all dress exactly like girls and guys in malls.
24. You think that $100,000 is a reasonable price for a Toyota Corolla and $1,000,000 is a reasonable price for a bungalow, but $5 for a plate of fried noodles is a barbarous outrage.
25. You believe that not being able to get decent roti prata outside Singapore is enough to keep the best and the brightest people from leaving.
26. You see nothing wrong with forming committees of select elite people to deliberate and study ways to stimulate creativity and spontaneity.
27. You justify every argument with the phrase "in order for us to be competitive in the 21st century".
40. You're not confused by a street naming system that locates streets like Clementi Road, Clementi Street, Clementi Crescent, Clementi Lane, Clementi Drive, Clementi Way, and Clementi Avenues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 all within walking distance of each other.
Dr.Bong Pte Ltd and all its affiliates have been charged by the FBI (Fail Bunker Indignation) with regards to 'Tonying', which is shorthand for 'Infringing Copyright Law'. All material on this site will be suspended pending further notice. All plastics will be hung. All babies will be eaten. Also, we're having a $2 sale on potatoes at Kim Chee Rd. All Rights Reserved. The FBI and its associates are registered trademarks of Ong, Inc.
Now that everyone's too tired to care, I suddenly feel guilty about not urinating for a month now. Surely you, prisoners to my regime, have been able to pass a humourless life just fine? Perhaps not.
In that case, here are some original insults::
Comparisons Excel Sheet - Waffle Iron Brain - Limited Warranty?? EXCESSSIVE USE OF QUESTION MARKS???? yorur brain reminds me of a potato.. soft and mouldy and also of a big mac.. it causes indigestion
and also of sponges.. it takes in lots and lots of WATER
OOH THIS IS A GOOD ONE
Your brain remnds me of.. SBS buses it's notoriously slow
ANOTHER GOOD ONE
Your brain reminds me of singaporean security.. MAS SELAMAT COULD PASS THROUGH IT
Senseless but laughable
Random thought: SOMEONE OWES DR. BONG $4.00 PLUS TAX
Your brain reminds me of a FRIED SOTONG... LIMP AND COOKED
YOUR BRAIN REMINDS ME OF FILTER PAPER.. IT CANT EVEN STORE WATER
But there's no sense crying over every mistake You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
Today is a good day, indeed. It is Appreciation Week. On Monday we showed our gay pride for the custard-custodians of our school by presenting them with medals so they could feel good inside while the organisers basked in the glory that their organizational skills showed to the rest of us. They are certainly angling for a promotion.
On a more resolved note, I will now list the Top 4 at 10.
Song Name - Artist Name
What It Means To Be A Dictator - Prain Peeves Conquering The World, One School At A Time - Educational Resolve Moe, The Bully - Calvin and Hobbes Resolving Your Issues With Women - Counselling Children Of Colombia Learning To Make Friends - Becoming The Drug Itself Swearing - The Bitch Boys Humping - Engelbert Humperdick A Rush Of Blood To The Head - The Dick Five
My second concubine left the institution on Aug 1. The Board of Old Fucks has installed two new concubines for my sexual pleasures whose names shall remain undisclosed. This will not only lessen the available power among the current three, by redistributing the power, it will also prevent any one individual from having too much power (except me). This system of checks and balances is SO SEXY! There is a rising star coming up in the executive hierachy. I shall now lay down a sneak preview of
[[Bong's Guidelines To Effective Dictatorship]] (Only $39.90):
Lesson 78: How To Maintain Your Power - Method 24 - The Party Exclusions, Nomaclatures - Isolationist Senatorialia (codename PENIS)
To effectively maintain your grip on power, giving you virtually free will to execute further policies in your personal interests (such as share price manipulation), you must ensure that no one individual besides you has too much power. Play your opponents against each other. Rumours must be spread through the use of rumor-mongers while you form strategic political alliances to distance yourself from any blame (and scapegoat others) if the persons betray you or anything else goes wrong. By making your opponents the targets []HAHAHAHHAHHAPENIS[] of each others' aggression, you can take a back seat while they tear at each other's throats, ruining their reputation in the views of neutral parties. This also imrpoves your reputation as a clean-fighting White Knight (TM).
Today is an excellent time to post. In fact, today is of excellent weather. Would you like to masturbate? A hokkien 101 video is available on YouTube, but it's not where i want to go. Today, I wish to explore the sexualities of rats. You will need full screen to see the subtitles.
Yes. Wa Ka Lu Kong, Ping You = Wo Gen Ni Jiang, Peng You
I try to learn hokkien every day so I can learn some pickup lines with regard to that hot brunette security guard.
what i am about to say si completely true, but i have to disguise the important parts, but i'm sure you can pick it up
Also, THERE HAS BEEN A POWER STRUGGLE LATELY. ENGKONG HAS LEFT T0 SJI INTERNATIONAL.
3 letters:
(A,B,_) (_OME, _OUSE) O
WILL ALSO LEAVE FOR SUPPORTING HIM AND UNDERMINING ME,,,WHENTHATBATARD GAVE HIM A GOOD ENOUGH TESTIMONIAL TO LEAVE FOR ANOTHER SCHOL. POLITICS IS MY HYMEN. FEAR IT. I MUST BUILD A CULT OF ONG, IT SEEMS. WHAT ELSE IS IT GONNA TAKE? FINE. I WILL FILL UP MY CABINET WITH LOYAL PERSONNEL AND RUTHLESSLY REMOVE EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT. THOSE OF YOU NOT IN MY SCHOL. YOU HAVE THE NEWS. SPREAD IT LIKE WILDFIRE. THIS IS INSIDE INFO.
This is the part where most people would post some song lyrics, (quote: USE ME AS YOU WILL, PULL MY STRINGS JUST FOR A THRILL) but I am not that kind of person. Dr.Bong graduated from the university of Fale with flying colours and a first degree hammer on the noggin.
Therefore, I will post my own lyrics, but solely for amusement.
I'll keep you my dirty little secret, I've found a reason to show, I still don't have a reason. She's watching over me. Destiny is calling me It was an honest mistake I never meant to brag I can be your hero babe Scream my lungs out Today could be the best day of your life. Cos it's nine in the afternoon.
Please note that all characters used in The Dairy Of Doctor Bong are purely fictional.
Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
